Small Step – Taking an Offensive Position
A long time ago I was playing chess with a friend and he told me “you will never be good at chess if you’re always on the defense. You need to be on the offense. You need to be thinking about where you are going, you can’t be worried about where the other person is going.” That always stuck with me, especially when it comes to life, but I think it took me a long time to be able to change from a defensive position to an offensive position. Even at this stage in my life, I’m still learning to do that.
Taking an offensive position makes so much sense and really dovetails with a lot of other scenarios in my life. For instance, I struggle with friendships and often feel lonelier when I’m around other people than when I’m alone. When I’m having trouble with friends I usually try to overanalyze those relationship, but rarely come up with any good reason why they are so hard. In looking at them for an offensive perspective, one of the things I realize is that in those friendships I spend a lot of time on the defense. I’m thinking about why people don’t like me or what I’m doing wrong and I’m constantly overanalyzing the issues instead of thinking about the kind of friend I choose to be to others. This latter thought process feels like a more offensive position and feels powerful and exciting. I am a caring and compassionate person. I choose to have friends that I have fun with, that like to laugh and goof off and do fun things together. I like friend who like to grow and change and aren’t afraid of difficult conversations. I also choose to give my friends plenty of space because I know life can be difficult and busy and I don’t need to have expectations of the behavior of my friend. I choose to be there for them when they need me and to feel connected. This is a more offensive stance that I choose to focus on in relation to my friends.
I also think about this in relationship with money. I recently was made aware of my relationship with money during an RTT session with my friend Alexis where I learned that my relationship with money has been quite defensive. During the session she asked me “if you were having a party and you invited money, considering the relationship you have with money, would money want to come?” The answer was a resounding “no.” How have I treated money in life? I’ve been afraid of it, I’ve felt like I never have enough, I’ve had a lot of shame around it because I have debt. I haven’t appreciated it when it comes, I haven’t appreciated what I have because I’m always so worried about what I don’t have. I consider myself an optimistic person, but when it comes to money I’ve been very pessimistic. I’ve often looked at the glass as half empty instead of half full.
Also, I’ve heard a lot of chatter recently about gratitude and I’ve noticed that it is really hard for me to feel gratitude in my heart and I’ve wondered why. Why don’t I feel this amazing gratitude for this amazing life that I have because I really do have an amazing life? I live in a beautiful city where it’s nice and sunny most of the year. I have a wonderful house and a wonderful family. I have lots of love, I have a job that I’ve had for many years and I work with amazingly talented people in an industry that’s responsible for designing and building our cities. I have grown in my career in so many ways and am so proud of who I have become. I live in one of the most abundant countries in the world with so many passionate and wonderful people. There is so much for me to be grateful for and yet all day I worry about what I don’t have. I understand it’s just my mind. My mind has been programmed to focus on what I don’t have rather than on what I have – a defensive mindset. This is a new awareness for me. I now understand that I must change my focus. It’s time for me to start appreciating. It’s time for me to go on the offensive in my relationship with money. It’s time for me to create a relationship with money that’s strong and feels good. I will begin to treat money like royalty. I will to lay down the red carpet and invite money into my life and when I receive it I will be thankful for it so that it feels appreciated and enjoyed by me.
I see people traveling all over the world, going on amazing trips, relaxing and playing in beautiful places, having fun with family and friends and that is enjoying money. I see people at beautiful spas, getting massages, having balance in their life and time off. I see people enjoying money, enjoying their life and I’m ready to create that in my life. I’m ready to create money and pass it on, pay it forward, do things to help the world be a better place. That is truly where joy comes from in life and I totally and completely know that. I know that the more resources I have, the more impact I can make and the better I can make lives for other people. And so, I’ve decided to go on the offensive in several areas of my life, to believe in myself, to believe in other people, to create an abundant stream of money and to share my gifts with other.